Friday, June 10, 2011

Dating Politics

I’m not a naturally shy girl, I tend to say what I think and do what I want. That’s me, you either like it or you don’t. So, why can I not be the same in the dating game? If I want to text someone to say hi and to suggest a meet up, why can’t I? Why are there ‘rules’ that say it’s the guy who suggests the second date, or that if the girl texts she’s being too keen and the guy will run a mile?

I’m nearly 30, I’m not 16 anymore. Surely there’s an age limit on dating game play? Or is it all just a myth?

Let me set the scene. I’m a 29 year old woman, very independent, fairly easy going and relaxed in my attitudes to life. Been single for 4 years and so a bit out of practice on the whole dating thing. Actually, that’s a lie, I’ve never really done dating. My relationship history has been a series of relationships of varying length, but with no real dating. Don’t ask me how, that’s just how it happened. In fact, I can count the amount of dates I’ve had on one hand and two of those were when I was 16.

So, after a good few years on my own with a few smatterings of stuff here and there, I decided it might be time to ‘get back out there’. Didn’t really have a set agenda, just thought I’d see how things panned out. I’m still in the ‘thick’ of things but one thing I can’t stand is the whole politics of dating!

If you don’t have a real connection with the other person then fine, no one contacts one another, bish bash bosh. But if you have a connection and both express an interest of seeing one another again....what’s the right thing to do? Depending on who you speak to you get a number of different views;

A male friend told me that if you’re both interested and have both said you are then it doesn’t matter who makes the contact or when. Both adults, just sort yourselves out.

A female friend said that the girl shouldn’t contact too soon after a date, leave it 3-4 days then contact him, men scare easily and a girl shouldn’t be too keen

Another female friend agreed with the male friend.

Finally, another female friend said there is a certain amount of game playing and it was ok for me to make contact after a few days but I should be cool and rather nonchalant in what I said...i.e make it clear you’re not hanging around waiting for him and you have your own stuff going on too, make him think that maybe he’d like to be part of that stuff.

I have a number of opinions on all of the above!

Male Friend & 3rd Female Friend: Agree completely, I’m nearly 30 for crying out loud!

1st Female friend: If he’s not contacted me by 3-4 days, I’m not contacting him as it’s clear he’s not interested and it’s just awkward. And as for men scaring easily, well I don’t want a guy who scares easily!

4th Female Friend: Agree to a certain extent, although I don’t really like the game playing...but I do agree it happens, although why it happens past the age of about 19 I have NO idea.

The way I see it, if there’s too much game playing going on then you’ll never get anywhere. If he plays it cool and I play it cool, then we both end up out in the cold. He should know from spending time with me on the date that I’m not exactly the shy and retiring type. It shouldn’t be a great shock to him if I make contact. What it comes down to I suppose is finding someone who’s happy with that, with me, and the way I am. I can’t be bothered playing games, life is too short to be worrying about what people think about my actions.

As for finding a person who’s happy with me and how I am....well, that’s a whole other world!

My quest continues.....!

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