Saturday, January 19, 2013

Room 101...or maybe a warehouse,

I have a lot of pet hates. I'd say I probably have more than most people. And I'm not afraid to tell people to stop doing something if it annoys me. Was watching Room 101 last night and it made me think what I'd put in my Room here's my (rather long) list. 

1: People who stop randomly when walking. 
This never fails to annoy me, and it happens a lot. I'm a fast walker so the public in general annoy me (as you'll come to realise by the end of this post!), but if I'm walking along and the person in front just stops short, I'm likely to plough into the back of them, and have been known to do so. Why stop in the middle of the street?! Ok, if you're walking by a shop and stop to look in the window fair enough, we all do it, but that's generally easy to spot. I'm talking about stopping for no apparent reason. It might be to check a phone, or just because you're an eejit. Either way, be aware of the people behind you and either pull over or slow down gradually. (Imagine you're driving!)

2: People who walk in one direction but look in another. 
This may sound like a really odd thing but it's incredibly common. We can all have something catch our eye as we're walking along and stop to look at it for a second or two. But most of of us wouldn't continue to look in the other direction and continue to walk forward. 
This happens a lot of Grafton street. Someone's walking down the middle, sees something on the edge, turns to look at it and continues to walk down the street, totally oblivious to anyone in their path, or the fact that their own path is now veering off. I was once coming up Grafton Street and a girl had come out of Butlers Coffee shop carrying a tray of coffee. She wasn't looking where she was going and would have walked straight into me had I not been paying attention. I actually had a go at her and told her to look where she was going. She was a bit taken aback, but did apologise. 

3. Cyclists who ride on pavements and run red lights. 
I'm not a driver, but I am a pedestrian. If I'm waiting at a crossing and the green man is there, I shouldn't have to look twice to check there are no cyclists bearing down on me as they run a red light. Have some consideration you arrogant twats. 
The same goes for those cyclists who ride on pavements and expect pedestrians to get out of the way. Erm, no, I won't. This is my domain, get back on the road. 
Last year I was waiting at a crossing for the green man, stood still in a group of people, looking at something on my phone whilst waiting, when I heard a voice say "..and as for you stood there looking at your phone, pay attention". I looked up to see an auld fella on a bike, pretty much ploughing his way through the group of us on the pavement. I snapped and said "Excuse me, but you're cycling on the FUCKING PAVEMENT!". He too looked a bit taken a back and cycled off, whilst a few of the people around me smiled at me and muttered their appreciation of my outburst. 

4. Incessant, repetitive noise.
This is huge for me and is a constant source of amusement for my work colleagues! It can include foot tapping, pen clicking and nail drumming but isn't exclusive to that list. 
And I will tell you if you're doing it for more than 5 seconds and it's pissing me off. This can often result in my colleagues conspiring against me and doing it just to piss me off, which does make me laugh. Funnily enough the sound of someone typing on a computer keyboard doesn't bother me as there are variations in the noise. Although people who hit the keys unnecessarily hard do my head in. Foot tapping also causes vibrations which annoy me too. A guy at work does it occasionally, but it always promptly told to stop. (surprisingly, I get on well with my colleagues!)

5. Whistling. 
I was going to put this in the item above but it deserves a place of its own. I. Cannot. Abide. Whistling. Think Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory and you're on the right lines. All my friends know this and don't really do it in my presence, but are told if they do. Having said that, none of them are whistlers really anyway, so they're cool. Strangers whistling winds me up something chronic. I will turn and glare at people on buses who whistle. Old men whistling is the worst as more often than not they're not whistling a particular tune, it's just a random jumble of notes. For the love of god, SHUT UP!!

6. People eating with their mouth open. 
We're all taught as children to close our mouths when eating, so why do some people forget this skill in adult hood? The worst things are gum and crisps/popcorn. People who take the first bite of popcorn or crisps with their mouth open really boil my blood, They're two of the noisiest food substances you can eat. How can you not hear yourselves??! Fruit is similar too, especially crunchy fruit like apples. Take the bite and close your mouth. It's not difficult. Plus, it looks really fucking gross. 

7. People who talk in the cinema.
I have been known to tell people to shut the fuck up in the cinema if they're ruining a film for me (including children, see next item). We're all there to watch it and hopefully enjoy it. If you don't like the film, leave. Don't ruin it for everyone else around you. 

8. People who can't control their children. 
I have 4 nephews and a niece. I'm quite amenable to kids, but I can't abide parents who don't control theirs in public places. I've seen all my sisters kids grow up, and am still watching some. I know that kids have tantrums, and can be a bit wild. But I can also spot a spoilt child who runs rings round their parents and a well behaved child who's having a bad day a MILE off. This also ties in with the cinema post. I've been in a film with children sat on the row in front of me, with their parents, who've been disruptive and I've leant over and asked them to be quiet. So what if the parents are there? They obviously don't give a shit, but I do. I don't care if they think I'm a cheeky bitch, if you don't want your kids to be told off by a stranger, control them. 

9. People who don't accommodate other people on public transport.
This can cover people who don't move to free up a seat, guys who move to let you sit down but insist on keeping their legs open so you have a tiny bit of room, and people who don't move for older people/pregnant women/disabled people. Unless you've got a 15inch knob, what need is there to sit with your legs THAT far apart dude? Suck it up and make some room. None of us are happy about being on this bus/train/whatever it is, but we're all here. Cooperate. As for those people who don't move to free up space, I'll just ask you to move. And people who don't move for people less advantaged than themselves need a slap. 

10. CDs and DVDs in the wrong cases. 
My ex used to drive me mad doing this. Put them in the right case!!! It's really not that difficult. And if there are 2 discs in the case, put disc one in the disc one slot, and disc two in the disc two slot. Again, not difficult. 

11. People who walk 2/3 wide along and don't move for others. 
This will get me into trouble one day, I know it will. If I'm walking along on my own and there are people walking towards me who are 2/3 abreast but not appearing to move, I ain't moving. I will keep walking and either a)plough through the middle of you or b)stop when I reach you until one of you moves to accommodate me. 
You don't own the path just because there are more of you. Knobs. 

12. People who stand in doorways or at the top/bottom of escalators or stairs. 
Why do people do this??!! There should be a 'No Stopping' sign in these places. You're only going to block other people, you know this, so why do it?! This is another situation in which I will say something to someone. Generally along the lines of "Excuse me, would you mind making room for people to come through?!"
There's a shopping centre at the top of Grafton St and when it rains lots of people use the entrance of this as a shelter. For the love of god, bring a fucking umbrella and brave the rain! You live in Ireland, it rains a LOT, you know this. Deal with it and stop clogging up the sodding entrance. (n.b. Since writing this a friend made a wonderful comment on Facebook about people clogging up entrances to tube stations fumbling for hats/scarves etc before going out in the snow "You're not the not the Wicked Witch from Oz and you won't melt...fuck off out of the way". It was such a brilliant comment I had to share, thanks Andy!)

13. People who interrupt. 
Now, I'm no angel here, I can interrupt. I know I can, but I try not to where possible and am aware I'm being a knob when I do. 
Wait until I've finished speaking. Chances are what you want to ask will be covered in my statement. I know what I'm saying is utterly fascinating and you want to know more, but hold your horses for just 10 more seconds. As a fabulous post on Pinterest recently said "Oh I'm sorry. Did the end of my sentence get in the way of the beginning of yours?!"

14. Ugg boots and people who don't pick their feet up (often combined).
This really really really gets me. And it's another thing I will tell my friends not to do..two friends in work can attest to this!! 
It seems that Ugg boot wearers are generally incapable of picking up their feet. I don't know why. I think this hatred stems from school girls in Dublin. Many of them wearing cheap Ugg imitations that have collapsed and the sole of the shoe is actually nowhere near the actual sole of the wearers foot. This has caused me to hate anything Ugg like. There are of course non Ugg wearers who drag their feet and I have been known to mutter (loudly), "Pick your feet up!" near them. You're a well evolved human, not a cave man. 

That's it, I think! That's more than enough, but it was very therapeutic writing this. I recently pointed a very good friend of mind towards my blog page and he commented that he was surprised I hadn't just used it as a ranting outlet. I thought of him whilst writing this post because it is very ranty. But I am prone to ranting quite a lot, it's in my nature...and it's good for the soul. Get it out there, dealt with it, don't bottle it up!

Till next time...don't annoy anyone!